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Michael Bennett

Seattle Seahawks’ Michael Bennett (72) brings down Los Angeles Rams quarterback Jared Goff in the second half on Dec. 15 in Seattle.

On the off chance you are spending your holiday season trying to parse the meaning of hip thrusts, “Black Santa” offers the gift of explanation. An only-Michael-Bennett, all-timer explanation.

“Two pumps gets you a baby,” the Seahawks’ Pro Bowl defensive end said Wednesday. “Three pumps gets you a fine.”

Bennett was joking about the unsportsmanlike-conduct penalty he got — rather, absolutely earned — during Seattle’s win last Thursday night over Los Angeles. It was for doing three, exaggerated hip thrusts in the middle of the field, a comic celebration of his first sack since his five-game absence for arthroscopic knee surgery.

In the past, Bennett has gotten away with two hip thrusts following sacks. This laughable line of two thrusts versus three got immortalized within the Seahawks’ locker room a couple years ago. Coach Pete Carroll showed the team a “McCringleberry” mock touchdown-celebration skit from the “Key and Peele” comedy show to extend the laughs about Bennett’s sack dance.

The question Wednesday of whether Bennett, a husband and father of three daughters, subscribes to Key and Peele’s three-pump criterion for when NFL officials deem a celebration excessive is what prompted his epic response.

It’s the best of what have been many memorable quotes in the outspoken Bennett’s Seattle career.

He said teammate and fellow Pro Bowl defensive end Cliff Avril is partly to blame for his penalty against the Rams.

“Cliff had everything to do with it,” Bennett said. “Good friends don’t let friends do that.”

Bennett was speaking while wearing a brown, fur cap over a Christmas-themed sweater. The red sweater with white snowflakes and dots depicted the self-proclaimed “Black Santa” in his No. 72 uniform doing, yes, his hip-thrust sack dance.

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