Each year, The Daily News publishes a round-up of the year’s most puzzling and bizarre police calls. This year, Cowlitz County law enforcement agencies were flooded with so much weirdness that we’ve needed to publish the roundup in two editions. The first appeared in July. Following are past six month’s strangest calls, all of which were compiled from dispatch reports.
Nice shot — A man in the 5400 block of Gorans Road, Longview, shot a deer twice in his front yard in August, but it still wasn’t dead. He resorted to throwing rocks at the animal to kill it.
Where’d everybody go? — A diner found herself alone and locked in the Guadalajara Grill & Cantina, 4610 Ocean Beach Highway, Longview, in October. The restaurant closed and the staff left while she was in the restroom.
Reckless driver — A woman was reported to be “out of control” at a Longview retirement home in October. She assaulted staff and was “trying to run people over with her electric wheelchair.”
Unsafe to sleep — A Walmart truck driver told police in September that he found a homeless man in a sleeping bag beneath his truck in the Woodland Walmart parking lot. The sleeping homeless man’s his head was resting “right behind the driver’s side tire.”
Don’t mess with this guy — A woman in the 3200 block of Allen Street reported in October that her neighbor raised a leaf blower to her “in a threatening manner.” She said she’s had an ongoing problem with the man and “is concerned for her safety.”
Tow protest — In October, a Kelso property owner said he asked a man to move his Chrysler Town and Country several times to no avail and finally resorted to calling a tow company. But the man locked himself inside, then escaped by driving through people’s yards.
Family truckster — A man was reported to be riding a red motorcycle with two children aboard in Kelso in October. One child was on the back and another, who appeared to be 2, was sitting on the gas tank.
Poison purr — A Kelso man was said to be threatening to poison the cat food some of his neighbors had been putting out for stray cats in October.
Federal Bonehead of Investigations — A Kelso woman reported in September that a man was speeding around her block and running stop signs. He jerked into her driveway, nearly striking her own vehicle, then threw his car into reverse, peeling out and kicking up gravel. An officer caught up with the man on North First Avenue and thought the suspect might try to outrun him. Instead, the man ditched his car and started to run away, surrendering only after the officer threatened to stun him. The man explained to the officer that he was “practicing high-speed driving for the FBI Academy because he wanted to be an FBI Agent.”
A little light on the situation — A Longview woman called 911 in August to complain that her 50-year-old son was taking the light bulbs out of all the of fixtures in her apartment and “she can’t see to get around.” An officer told her to “kick her son out.”
Eviction — A Kelso woman told authorities this month that she found a man pounding on her bedroom window and then her front door. The stranger said he “wanted her to leave” and “would be back tomorrow to make sure she was gone.” The man was “definitely not the property owner,” according to the woman.
Paranoid — A man called police in November to report his bong had vanished.
Training — A pit bull was reported to be chained to a tire, which it was dragging around Gerhart Gardens dog park in Longview. The dog’s owner said he was training the animal. The woman who called police thought he might be training it to fight.
Drugs and cat abuse — A woman in Longview called police in November reporting people in her neighborhood were doing drugs, being loud and shooting a blowgun at cats.
Social gnomework — A gnome lawn ornament was reported missing in November. The owner said a picture of it later appeared on Facebook.
Bike barbarian — A man riding a bike who appeared to be on drugs was carrying a sword in the 500 block of Allen Street in Kelso in November.
New water sport — Kids at Horseshoe Lake, Woodland, were said in September to be pulling a large table behind a boat while several people stood on it.
Explain this one — A Honey Bucket outhouse employee told police in September that he found a meat cleaver in the bottom of an outhouse he was pumping out.
UFO — A triangle-shaped object “with red lightning around the edge” was reported moving through the sky around 11:19 p.m. Sept. 12.
Grooming frenzy — A man reported to 911 in November that his stepson and fiance were clipping the family dog’s nails and “things were getting crazy.”
Incontinent and missing — A woman called the Cowlitz Humane Society in September to report that her German shepherd and collie mix had disappeared. She advised that the dog answers to “Mr. Piddles.”
Whoops — An unknown person sent sexual text messages to an 11-year-old girl in August. The texts suddenly stopped after the sender was told he or she was communicating with a minor.
Word of warning — A man came into a youth gathering at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in August, explained that “people are after him because he does meth” and he “wanted to tell the kids inside the church not to do drugs.”