Each year The Daily News compiles a "Police Blotter" containing the strange, unusual and sometimes frightening calls police receive. Following are the year's most oddball complaints, occurrences and human malfunctions, all compiled from disptach and police reports.
Canine custody battle: A Kelso woman reported Dec. 7 that her neighbor's dog got her dog pregnant. After the puppies were born, the owner of the male dog offered to "puppy sit," but then refused to return the puppies. The neighbor did, however, offer to let the puppies' mother "have visitations."
Not a urinal: A male youth urinated on a customer's car at the Shamrock Tavern in Longview Dec. 4. The youth fled and the car's owner was "quite upset."
A way to pass the time: Two teenage boys were reported standing on the corner of Oregon Way and Industrial Way "with their pants down" Nov. 8.
Paraphernalia theft: A Longview man reported Nov. 3 that someone stole his glass marijuana pipe.
Theft deterrent: A Longview man called police Oct. 23 saying he wanted to "electrify" the outside and inside of his garage. He wanted to know if he needed to "put a notice on the garage to warn people."
UFOs: A Kelso woman reported seeing between 20 and 30 orange colored lights in the southern and eastern night sky Sept. 28. The lights traveled west at varying speeds, then disappeared. Five or six more were seen a short time later, she said, adding that a neighbor saw them too.
The King: A man who crashed his bike Sept. 23 identified himself to police as "The King of Rock and Roll." Police said the man struck his head on a wall and there was blood nearby.
It's about time: A man called police Sept. 19, saying he wanted to protest in front of a dentist's office and "would like to know if he's about to do that."
Dirty bomb: A Kelso man told police someone threw human feces on the side of his house Sept. 14.
Party time: Two males were reported to be dancing naked in front of Kelso High School Sept. 5. At second glance a passerby said one of them may have been wearing boxers.
Good dog: A woman reported locking her keys in her car with her dog inside at a Woodland gas station Aug. 31. A few minutes later she called back saying the dog unlocked the door for her.
Epic battle: Two men were reported to be "fighting with rakes" in the 300 block of Northwest Second Avenue, Kelso Aug. 28.
Calling for backup: A couple said they were going to the "welfare" office in Kelso Aug. 25 because workers there kept hanging up on them. The couple, who said there "is going to be a problem" kept yelling to dispatchers that they wanted officers to respond "as backup"
Bird trouble: A Longview woman reported Aug. 8 that her neighbor was outside in his underwear shooting at birds.
Clothes theft: A man in his underwear at a Kelso convenience store said Aug. 8 that someone stole his clothes.
Hide your McCracken: A Woodland woman called police July 27, saying her neighbor was working on a truck and his pants were hanging "below his bottom." The woman said she "asked him to pull his pants up and he hasn't." The woman lives on McCracken Road.
Biofuel: Police got a complaint July 4 that a man urinated in the gas tank of someone's vehicle in Woodland.
Critter attack: a Kelso man complained June 23 that he was being attacked by a raccoon. The man said the animal was "coming into his residence and being aggressive."
Threats from a parallel universe: A Kelso woman told police she is a member of Second Life, an online game where people can interact in real time as an alternative self with a job, home and social life. The woman said her character was "at a club" in the game when another player "began pushing her around." The bully then said she knows where the "victim" lives and planned to kill her.
Lucky Charms: Kelso police responded on June 13 to a home in the 1400 block of First Avenue, Kelso, where a 34-year-old man appeared to be doing "martial arts" moves with a long bamboo stick. The man had taken the aluminum frame out of at least one window and used it to assemble "some type of alter or shrine," police said. The man explained that the martial arts moves were part of his "journey." He then "jumped up and began to dance an Irish jig." He also started singing "like a Leprechaun" and declared, "They're always after me lucky charms!" Police suspected the man was experiencing "methamphetamine-induced delusions" and took him to St. John Medical Center.
Drunk driver: A Ryderwood woman was reported to be intoxicated and driving around the retirement community in her golf cart June 2.
Illegal burn: A man was reported setting furniture afire on the corner of North Ninth Avenue and Columbia Street in Kelso May 2. Police responded and extinguished the flames.
Karate driver: A man said May 3 that he was standing the parking lot of a Kelso gas station when another man in a passing car kicked his beer out of his hand as he passed by.
Solicitation complaint: A Longview man called police April 29 "asking about his rights concerning a Jehovah's Witness" who won't stop knocking on his door, even after he was asked to stop.
Shots fired: People at Willow Grove Beach said they ducked behind logs May 4 as bullets whizzed by. Police tracked down the shooter, who said he'd been shooting at rats and the rounds ricocheted.
Not a ninja: Paramedics were called to a Woodland Hotel May 4 where a man was said to have accidentally stabbed himself in the foot with a sword, causing "serious bleeding."
Name change: Kelso police contacted John Phillip Seiffert Jr., 17, who was at Kelso High School with his 35-year-old girlfriend Jan. 3 to pick up her son. Police had a tip he was wanted on a warrant. He said his last name was spelled Sypher. Police couldn't find a record and asked him if his last name was Seiffert. He said it used to be, but he'd changed it. Police asked if it was done officially. He said no, he just decided to change it himself. He was arrested on the warrant and was warned about giving a false name.
What's that banging?: A Kelso resident reported hearing what she thought was the sound of distant explosives Jan. 13. The woman had been hearing it every 30 minutes since 4 a.m., and now the noise was happening every five minutes. She called back a short time later to say it was her broken screen door.
Big wave: A woman in Germany called the Cowlitz County Sheriff's Office because she was unable to reach her sister and was concerned the tsunami had reached Kelso.
That'll stop 'em: A Castle Rock man called authorities March 11 to find out if it's legal to put a board with nails across his driveway to prevent suspicious people from using it to turn around in the middle of the night. Although the dispatcher said he could be liable for damages, the man said he was going to do it anyway.
Scared straight: A man called 911 March 11 and asked for sheriff's deputies to scare his unruly teenage son by arresting him at a bowling alley and keeping him at the juvenile detention center for the weekend. His request was refused.