Story Photos
 The Rogers family gathers for a portrait at Sun River, Ore., in 2007. Back row from left: Michael Rogers and Minu Magharai, David and Katie Gold, Christie and C.W. Taylor. Middle Row: The Golds’ son Riley, and Kayla, Will and Megan from C.W. and Christie’s blended family. Front row: Danny, also of the Taylor family; Karen and Elmer Rogers, Hannah Gold. Photo courtesy of the Rogers family
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In the Rogers clan, diversity blossoms and everyone grows
Sunday, December 21, 2008 12:16 AM PST
By Cathy Zimmerman
Printable version
E-mail this articleA photo taken on the occasion of Karen Rogers’ 70th birthday and the 50th anniversary of her and her husband, Elmer “Red” Rogers, includes their children, in-laws, grandchildren and step-grandchildren.
The Longview couple, who are white, Anglo-Saxon Episcopalians, are surrounded by 14 relatives: their oldest child and his wife, a Persian-Austrian woman with a Shiite Muslim passport that allows her to visit her native Iran; the older of their two daughters, her African American husband and their blended family; and the Rogers’ younger daughter, her Jewish husband, and their two children, whom they are raising in the Jewish faith.
“The photographer had a wonderful time, posing and grouping our ecumenical family,” said Karen Rogers an infectious, articulate blond.
Sometimes, we see a movie that seems to force a vision of a wildly diverse American family, shoehorning a member of each special interest group into the clan. But for many Americans, it’s a true picture. Diversity has been threading its way into extended families as surely as it has spun the fabric of our culture for centuries.
Still, the Rogers didn’t expect to have Persian, Jewish and African American in-laws and grandchildren — even though they taught love and open-mindedness all the years they were raising their children.
“Christie once said to me, ‘Mom, what did you expect?’ ” Karen said, laughing.
Red grew up in Nebraska, where his dad taught school and supplemented his meager salary by preaching at two churches, causing the family to attend two separate Sunday services every week. The retired pharmacist remembers his father’s prejudice against Roman Catholics, he said, probably because the nearby parish had a well-built school and paid its teachers more than the public school did.
“He was flat-out jealous. He was a violent man,” Red said, in a voice both soft and blunt. “The only opinion allowed was his opinion. No discussion. I vowed to be different when I got to be a father.”
At a young age, Red also came to question some of the tenets of his Baptist upbringing.
“I believed in evangelism,” he said. “I wanted to share my faith, so I attended some dances and movies — this was where my friends were, and if I wanted to show my faith, I had to be where they were.”
His pastor found out and kicked him out of the church. “I was 16. ... It didn’t destroy my faith, just my beliefs in evangelical religion.”
Karen was also raised a Christian, attending Sunday school in Portland, Ore.
“My father died when I was very young, and my mother insisted on it,” she said. Church “became a warm, receiving, loving family.” But she also inherited some chaff with the wheat.
“We saw love in action. We were blessed with a good foundation,” Karen said. “Both Red and I had parents who were very loving, but biased. They were prejudiced against Catholics, Jews and ‘Negroes.’
“When we went away to college, we were uncomfortable with that. We left our homes, we went out into the broader world, and we both disregarded those prejudices.”
After they married and moved to Longview, “we sought out churches,” she said, shopping around until they settled on St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church in the late 1960s.
”Red said, ‘This is it.’ The communion, the liturgy, the depth of the spirituality — it was not just a surface, social thing,” Karen said.
As the kids grew up, they went to Sunday school there. Their parents placed a value on believing, and belonging, although they were less doctrinaire than their own parents had been.
”You don’t have to believe everything in the Bible to be a Christian,” Red said, “but the basic moral principles to live by, I’ve learned there. When our children were growing up, it gave them the basic background.
“They got involved with youth groups at other churches, which was fine with us,” he said. “A very important aspect of raising children is a foundation: unconditional, positive regard for people, even if their beliefs are different.”
Sometimes, however, values require taking a stand. Red remembers that in 1967, when the Elks lodge voted not to accept African Americans, “I withdrew.” (Later the policy was changed.)
Decades later, he said, he knows people who believe that Allah and God are completely unrelated beings, a notion that flabbergasts him.
At St. Stephen’s, the Rogers said, members discuss the common ground believers share, as well as the distinctions of various religions. “Somebody else may have faith, but a different set of beliefs” Karen explained.
Open home, open hearts
At the Rogers’ house, “we had an open dinner table,” Red said. “Anybody was welcome, and no subjects were off limits. Even if it was outrageous, it was OK.
“The idea might be questioned, but it would not be hushed up.”
It might seem logical, given their values, that the Rogers children met and fell in love with people from different backgrounds.
Still, Red said, “Our position now has taken some growing. When these things were happening, Karen and I had to grow; we had to adapt.”
Red remembers David Gold, who is Jewish, approaching him to ask what he thought about Katie marrying him.
”I said, ‘Well, there’s a little conflict here between religions. You certainly have my permission --- you both are very much in love.’ “
The couple wanted both a priest and rabbi at their wedding; they flew in Rabbi Ben Leinow from California, who officiated with Deacon John Glase, in Hebrew and in English.
Differences as basic as religious faith are heightened when grandchildren come along. Before the marriage, Red said he told David of his hope, “if there were any children, that they would be allowed to see both the Jewish and the Christian side, to make a choice.”
“And that has happened,” Karen said. “They honor our religion. When Red played the Christmas bells, they came — to honor Grandpa. .. It’s all about respect, and honor.”
When Riley had his Bar Mitzvah at Temple Beth Israel in Portland, Red and Karen were invited to the bima, the raised platform from which the Torah is read.
There was some confusion about when they should go up, so the Rogers held back. “Rabbi (Emanuel) Rose turned to Riley and said, ‘Where are your grandparents? Tell them to come up!’ “ Red said. Taking their places, he and Karen passed the Torah scrolls to their grandson.
Two years later, when Riley’s sister had her Bat Mitzvah, “it was Hannah’s request that we be included in her special day,” Red said.
“We were privileged and honored to read from the Psalms,” Karen said. “That was huge, for both of us.”
Hannah and Riley are keenly interested in talking about God with their grandparents, Karen said, and the kids started a discussion among the whole clan one time that was lively and deep.
”With the necessity of understanding Judaism, we’ve grown,” said Red, who now feels drawn to the moral principles of justice and equality inherent in Judaism.
He has also spent time reading the Koran, he said. “With all this brouhaha over Islam, people forget that Muslims respect Jesus Christ. They consider his teachings wonderful.”
Their children’s partners have stretched the Rogers in many ways, they said.
After Christie’s first marriage ended, Red said, “I kept praying for someone who would be fiscally responsible, who knows the Lord, and who would adore and cherish her.
“We got C.W. I forgot to say anything about a WASP,” he quipped.
Christie married C.W. Taylor, who’s African American. The Taylor family now includes their son Will, C.W.’s daughter Kayla from a previous marriage, and Christie’s kids Megan and Danny from her previous marriage.
Red and C.W. have become fast friends who enjoy regular fishing trips to Alaska and Canada. “He’s a great guy,” Red said.
Karen brings out the scrapbook that her daughters produced last year for her birthday. Inside are letters and photos from every relative and friend they could contact, telling Karen why she matters in their lives.
The letter from Minu, the Persian wife of their son, Michael, is warmly complimentary, expressing gratitude that Karen is nothing like the stereotypical “wicked mother-in-law.”
Next to the letter is a photograph from the couple’s wedding. Karen’s arms are reaching out to Minu, the older woman’s pale hands just at the point of touching the face of the warm-skinned, raven-haired bride.
Both women have that expression that comes from trying to hold back a tide of emotion. The gesture seems to capture the momentum of the Rogers’ family life.
Another story Karen likes to share is about a holiday several years ago.
“Hanukkah that year overlapped with Christmas Eve,” she said. “Everyone was here, and Katie brought their menorah,” the eight-position candlestick that figures in the Jewish celebration of religious freedom.
Karen set up an end table for the menorah. “Riley and Hannah sat on either side, and they sang the Hanukkah song, in their sweet children’s voices. Then they said the prayer and lighted the candles. It was so lovely.”
Afterward, with the candles burning, Karen moved the Santa Claus that was in the middle of the dining room table and placed the menorah there. “We held hands, and asked C.W. to say grace,” she said. “That is one of my favorite memories.”
The Rogers say their family’s diversity has strengthened, not rocked, their own lifelong belief in Jesus Christ.
”I refuse to limit God,” Red said. “I refuse to make him so small that he couldn’t possibly think of another way of revealing himself than through Christ.”
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